Do's and Don'ts for all Mounted Drill Team Participants
Do try to leave the arena on the exactly same horse you entered on.
Don't ride a horse who requires a twenty-nine foot perimeter of personal space to maintain his emotional stability or to refrain from 'attack mode.'
Do, when a major pile-up occurs, instruct all riders to spring lightly to their feet and pose like gymnasts finishing their routines. (Hey, it might fool the crowd.)
Don't try to perform the Famous Flying Flambini Seven-Pronged Inverted Star until your group can enter the arena in single file without requiring first aid.
Do get twelve mechanical toy horses. Note that their legs swivel 360 degrees, their heads pop off without lasting damage, and their riders are safely glued to the saddles. Wind them up and send them out along your planned drill pattern. If three or more of them sustain permanent injury, delete that pattern from your performance....before someone (whose legs don't pop off and on so easily) gets hurt.
Don't keep saying, 'Excuse me,' after your fifth or sixth collision. It's polite, but it's way too late now.
Do try to finish the drill with the same number of horses and riders you started with. Since this rule may be construed as unrealistic for novice teams, try to keep the attrition rate down to twenty percent.
Don't automatically blame every collision on the other rider by loudly exclaiming, 'You're supposed to be over there!' Save that for the Post-Mortem and Scapegoat Extravaganza Buffet after the performance.
Do prepare some subtle hand signals to help your group communicate. You'll want signals for:
Let's Start Over And Pretend That We Were Just Warming Up This Time.
Run Me Over One More Time And You Are Dead Meat. (Several common signals could convey this; Each rider may indulge her personal flair.)
How Long Has My Horse Hated Your Horse? (Probably since you started riding drill.)
What Figure Were We Doing, Anyway?
Pretend I'm Where I'm Supposed To Be And I'll Try To Be There ... In A Minute.
Slow Down!
Speed Up!
Slow Down And Then Speed Up!
Holy Horse-DooDoo, Batman!
Don't Run Me Down!--I Have a Husband And Children At Home!
Eject! Eject!
Has Anybody Seen Alicia Since the Centerline Cascade?
Make your hand signals clear and concise; if the gesture for 'Cavaletti' looks too much like the one for 'Cava-telli,' the third rider is bound to begin his 'Linguini' too soon and your 'Tortellini' is ruined for the entire group.
If a pattern gets hopelessly knotted, abandon it and signal the announcer to intone, "Our equestrians have finished The Maelstrom, and now present The Braided Danish." And place 'plants' in the crowd...that is, people whom you have paid to say, "Wow, that exotic new maneuver worked perfectly! Who knew they could get those horses stacked up like that?"
